Perhaps in trying to meet his needs, you have lost sight of your own
The question My partner and I have been together for more than 15 years, and we have children. We share a great emotional connection, but sex has always been a sticking point. I have a lower sex drive; I enjoy thinking about sex as well as masturbating, and I have no difficulty reaching climax, I’m just frequently underwhelmed by sex with my partner. He, on the other hand, says that he feels desire for me and would like to have sex more often. However, he also regularly mentions he finds sex with me routine or disappointing and he would like me to act more enthusiastically. He feels rejected.
Recently, we’ve tried to address it by scheduling date nights, so he doesn’t have to worry about rejection and I don’t have to worry about feeling pressured on other nights – although he has made advances on non-date nights, which have contributed to the point I’ve now reached where I can no longer enjoy even non-sexual intimacy. I love him deeply, but I don’t know how to get out of this impasse. We’ve tried therapy and he’s said that talking didn’t seem to change things, and doesn’t want to rehash old conversations that don’t help. I’ve written a letter to him and it helped a little, at least it led to us adopting the scheduling system. But it’s too weird to keep writing to someone you live with.
